Today I told my coworker to get a divorce. I know that sounds rash and harsh but she needed to hear it. I’ve only been on my current job for three months but in those short three months she told me the ups and downs of not only her marriage but her life. What I do know is at one point her husband made her happy, clearly happy enough to take another walk down that aisle. She was already divorced with 3 teenagers at that time and likely thought no one would want to be with her because of her “baggage”. Insert the new guy here.
I’m sure he went on to wine and dine my coworker which led to this whirlwind romance. They then took a walk down the aisle. Said vows in front of God, their family and friends. Started a new life then created a new life together. I’m almost positive there were happy moments because they got to this point but is this where things changed. She didn’t know.
What she did know was that she wasn’t happy and hadn’t been happy in a long time. We all know relationships sometimes have hard moments and everything you worked so hard for is put to the test. In those moments, you go to war and fight for love. You may overcome those obstacles and you may not. I told her she deserved to be happy and it’s no one’s responsibility to make her happy but herself. Not your husband, not your children, not this job can make you happy. These factors can contribute to your happiness but ultimately it’s up to you to be happy.
She began to get emotional. I told her about a conversation I had with a newly divorced friend a few years back. I told my friend that he should try everything under the sun to save his marriage but if your wife doesn’t meet you in the middle of the bridge, then leave. Do not stay for your children. If you stay for them, they will pick up on the negative energy and could possibly grow to resent you. She told me her now 16 year old son she had with her husband told her, “You have failed me as a mother. Why won’t you just leave him! Why didn’t you leave him when you filed for divorce the first time”
I said, “You didn’t fail him as a mother, if anything you failed yourself. You failed yourself because you are deserving of love and happiness. You’re holding onto memories that were from 20 years ago. I don’t blame you at all for that! You’re hoping that you guys can get back to that place. That’s in the past. When you keep looking back in the past while trying to move forward. Ultimately you crash and burn. Cherish those memories but baby you’re gonna look up and be old and decrepit if you stay. Life is short but can be long. Don’t love out the rest of your days in a miserable marriage!”
Her mother lives in Vegas and told her to come there with her but with her son being 16, she didn’t want to just uproot him because of school and whatnot, I get it. I told her this isn’t about your son, this is about you! You need to take care of you! Just like they tell you on the plane, secure your mask before aiding those who need assistance. Your son will make new friends and have new adventures. You, on the other hand, will have peace.
Don’t you want to be happy?! Don’t you want to come home to a place where everything isn’t so tense and you don’t have to feel like you are walking on eggshells? Home should be your fortress of solitude. Home is my safe haven. It cuts me off from all the craziness in the world. If you come over here trying to disrupt my peace then we a problem. It will probably send with me throwing you out.
No, I am not a therapist. No, I am relationship guru. No, I’m not married, yet. Many of you may feel that I crossed the line by telling her the truth. Maybe it wasn’t my place and maybe it was. One thing I do know is happiness. We all deserve to be happy. We are in control of that. There are also 7 billion people in this world who you can love on. I’m not saying jump back out there today but close this book and write an amazing sequel. You owe it to yourself.